3 Years and Counting
Today is the 3 year anniversary of my Self realization. I did not realize this when I began writing this article today, I wrote a large part of it then went back to see if I had made a note in my Apple calendar at the time and low and behold I did! I wrote REALIZATION on April 19th, 2021 along with other things that needed to be done on that day like “Plant seedlings” and “Confirm dentist appointment”. 🤷🏻♀️
I want to talk about some of the experiences I went through leading up to and after self realization.
It’s a puzzle that I’ve put together in retrospect over time because it’s happening beyond time and space and simultaneously in time and space and so the story is not a linear one.
It’s more of a circular story or an infinity symbol like story and it’s not easy to lay out in a linear way, but I want to give it a shot because I feel like it could be important to share this right now.
So here we go…
When I was living through the years of loss of passion and a total emptying out of any human desire I let everything go. I had no choice really, it felt as if it all was just seeping out of me.
Any last bit of human want was leached out of my body.
A necessary but painful experience for a human because life feels dry, stale, and pointless for a while.
When a souled being makes the quantum leap beyond time and space back to God the soul is absorbed. Consciousness and energy come together to create something new.
I experienced the soul returning to consciousness through a bad ankle injury after 2 days of unexplained cosmic bliss.
This was in January of 2020, the month before covid began. The timing could not have been more perfect considering the conditions of the world and the state I was in during that time. I felt so empty and when you are a human feeling empty might be the most devastating feeling to come to terms with.
To say I was unprepared would be an understatement. My body was not prepared, my mind was definitely not prepared. I had no daily routines of energy alchemy, I also did not know what was going on really.
Coming back from that dry period was a one foot in front of the other kind of experience.
I remember just getting out of bed in the morning was choosing life at that point. I was having a really hard time.
The mind began to recreate old patterns as a mechanism to stay on earth.
It’s what the mind does, it wants to help and so it uses its memory of what life is and begins to follow the programs like a computer follows it’s software.
When you essentially die without death it’s as if the computer just reboots and starts chugging along on the program called “Life” in its database.
It’s akin to the reincarnation of a new lifetime, the mind has a lot of practice rebooting itself and so that is what it did in my case and I fell back into the patterns unwittingly.
But New Life is not another lifetime, its the end of lifetimes altogether which is what I came to eventually realize.
So then in April of 2021 I felt an inner knowing that I needed to “pay attention”.
Over a 3 week period of time I felt like I was traversing the astral realms. I say this because I felt as though I was facing demons that I could not sense through the 5 senses but that’s what it felt like and all I had to do was not look away or run.
Just sit there and feel all the fear.
This culminated in the moment of the realization that I Am God also.
It was pure bliss, pure love and compassion. Just incredible.
Can you imagine after the year I had had leading up to that moment, what that felt like?
I really did not want to let it go. I did not let it fully go for about 2 years in fact.
I had no crazy thoughts, no emotional swings, no body problems for the short period of time that I felt that blissed out state. It was about 4-5 weeks.
Then everything came crashing down. The mind was looping again, the emotions were intense.
Another blow and a very confusing time began. Around this time I began diving into the materials that Lauren Hutton and Koot Hoomi created together called Living in the Garden of New Life.
I joined her Patreon page shortly after realization and began to understand what I was going through and was learning tools to back away from the minds “need to perceive”. This was life changing advise.
When I finally was able to let go of the grasping at self realization, that was when I started to feel a more steady flow of the bliss I had been wanting so badly and a tangible change in my day to day.
I started coming online and rejoining life. It happened slowly and with a lot of creative tension (resistance). Fully being in the body was and is an ongoing unfolding. Embodiment of Spirit requires another up-leveling of commitment and refinement.
All human passion seeped out of me in 2020 and a new passion is returning.
I’m beginning to reconnect with nature in ways that nourish my new soul and it feels like a 2 way street rather than using nature to fill me up we are communing beyond the “me”.
I feel the love of this world is being rekindled and as my consciousness descends Im able to feel and sense God in all things and in all of humanity as I commune with nature and my community.
Life is becoming sacred again.
When flow is open the highs of cosmic consciousness and the lows of density start to lessen.
The material world, the matter, the matrix (mother) is no longer what it was, it is now Divine. It always has been I just could not see that through the distorted overlays.
If you back away from the minds perceptions enough and swim in the Gnost that is your true intelligence clarity will dawn.
Getting the mind and body ready through consistent routines that connect energy to consciousness regularly can make the back and forth feel less like being slammed into duality and more like a soft landing, is what Im learning.
When we make peace with all the parts that are looking for real resolution we can then tangibly experience all of the heavenly realms that are already here.
If you would like to share your experiences I’d love to hear from you! You can share in the comments below or email me directly.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.