Consciousness Takes the Wheel, Literally

A couple days ago I had a long travel day with my husband. We flew from California back home to the east coast.

There was an early morning flight before the sun came up.

We sat with babies who had a rough time on a long flight, understandable.

We touched down in the dark on a very rainy night in Philly.

Picked up the bags at baggage claim, took a shuttle to economy parking.

Thought we lost the ticket, found it last minute.

I saw a broken glass bottle under our truck tire and cleaned it up.

And I found myself at the wheel preparing to drive over an hour back home in a rain storm in the pitch black.

This is the kind of driving I usually avoid because I can’t see driving at night very well, as it is.

OK, well, here we go.

As I drove the rain got worse.

My mind started to race and I was looking at the time and distance left to drive every 5 seconds.

I took a breath and realized this was an opportunity to make some conscious choices.

Can I keep my nervous system from spazing out?

So I took a few long deep breaths through the nostrils and found myself in the central channel.

This took me beyond the immediate situation into a more true state.

I felt myself expand, it felt like the human stepped back and a wider view was sensed.

A more real perspective was felt.

Is it true that I cant see? Who thinks this?

The answer came to me as a relaxing of the body. 

Then a car serendipitously appeared in front of me traveling at a comfortable speed in the right lane. 

It provided more light and a clear path.

I followed that car for most of the way until it turned off and I was left in the dark again.

I stayed with my sensation of safety and knowingness. 

I thought, “Wouldn’t it be fun if time sped up and I could feel like I got home more quickly?”

The last stretch flew by as I listened to Creedence Clearwater Revival jamming on my trucks pretty good stereo system.

I even went out of the way to stop and get a pizza before heading home.

I pulled into my driveway feeling pretty damn relaxed. No adrenaline drain, I didn’t feel like I needed to take the edge off. I just marveled at it all.

Some conscious choices to let go of my narrow view and come back to my truth and it feels like miracles happen.

I didn’t choose fear, I didn’t choose to believe my crazy thoughts.

I chose life in its most real sense.

I chose to trust in the bigger picture, in who I really am and let go of the grip that wants to protect the me.

Lifetimes of patterning are unwinding when I choose something new.

I can feel it all changing… the very idea of what reality is, how differently it can be experienced when we choose to be conscious and not act from a nervous system designed for the experience of separation.

Imagine always knowing, trusting and feeling that the whole world is YOU? How would that change your reality?

Inherently Safe

Can you imagine if you were always inherently safe?

When I get to that sensation of my inherent safeness, it’s like the biggest sigh of relief my nervous system could ever make.

How many times have you heard that there are no other people?

Like a bazillion and yet just hearing it does nothing to change the fact that I still experience other people the way I have always experienced them.

How do I go from the feeling that I’m a person surrounded by an ocean of other people to the sensation of truth that I feel in the body that there is no other? 

For me it was getting into that deep heart felt sensation of my inherent safety.

I’ve always had a fear of people. I was a scared kid growing up, I was so terrified of people that the only way I would go to nursery school was if my mom could be in the room. Not kidding.

I was that kid that clung to my moms leg at all times, hiding my face from the world.

As I got older this all translated into social anxiety and holding back from expression. 

It’s not safe to express, what if they laugh at me, what if they judge me, what if….. ?

Can you feel all of that in the nervous system? Yikes.

So not properly addressing this root issue wreaked havoc on my perception of life and on my body.

The mind comes in and wants to come up with solutions to the “problem”.

It runs it through the programs and comes up with ways to feel safe in the world.

I act these programs out and what happens? Still don't feel safe.

OK, the mind comes up with a different program. And…. you get my drift. This is all happening on automatic.

The cycle of insanity ensues until I step in and change the game.

Or I could say I take a step back and the real solution becomes clear.

We can’t sweep anything under the rug if we want to live from our true nature. The things that get in the way of that are parts of yourself that are operating from a distorted perspective of reality. 

These are likely parts that are acting out the victim/perpetrator game. 

“I don't feel safe because they did this to me.”

The great thing about the expansive view of reality is you can sense a larger truth but if your not operating from that truth then there is still work to be done.

That work is the looking at and acknowledging those parts that aren't understanding their inherent wholeness, their inherent safety.

It’s a malleability thing. 

First you are willing to change, then you do the inquiry to hone in on the distorted perspective that has been running the show. 

I do this in real time as I feel old stories come up, as I feel my nervous system dysregulating and reacting when I’m out in the world interacting and later upon reflection because if I don’t I continue to suffer. 

When I ask the right question, I can feel in my physical body the change that only comes from revelation, not from limitation.

This is what healing is to me. It’s the softening to look without self judgement so that a more real and whole solution creates unity rather than more duality in my body of consciousness.

Getting a handle on the nervous system ultimately gets us to a place of true sovereign oneness as consciousness descends through all that we are.

*Side note-

I have been playing with this program called Midjourney. It’s an AI art generator that creates images from prompts that I give it. The whole thing is a co-creation between my prompts and what AI interprets from the words I use. It’s a total blast and just jaw dropping what it comes up with!

I used it for the image in this post using a single sentence from the post as a prompt. I’ll definitely be playing with this more going forward! SO FUN.