Choosing Life

I always found it challenging to be here. I felt myself wanting it to be different or better than it is.

After Self realization it became even more challenging because there was a deconstruction of the old self.

From the standpoint of the human perspective it was worse than ever.

There is no human passion, no desire, a lot of fear.

I chose life everyday by getting out of bed.

But something else had entered the scene.

It wasn't human passion or anything I could find qualia for. 

It was something new. 

It had ignited within and it was a vector into this reality with the desire to see.

It made the human quake in her shoes because she had put things in the basement, the attic and under the bed that she never wanted to look at again.

It was confusing and gut wrenching to say the least, especially after the transcendent experience of realization, all I wanted was to feel that bliss, to live there.

Why stay? I thought this was all supposed to be different? 

The greatest pointer I received to being able to see more clearly and comprehend what was occurring was to start backing away from perspective.

To stop analyzing, to stop looking at life through different lenses.

To stop looking through the eyes of my humanity to see the truth of what is. 

There is a switch that occurs in Self realization.

You come to realize that you are no longer who you think you are.

The switch happened in a quantum leap of awareness but the experience of what happened unfolded over time for me.

The deepening of the experience of my true Self is still unfolding and as it does the sensation of being a separate person fades and fades.

Divine Will is what I call the desire that drives life into ever more expansion.

Choosing life has changed into something new too.

When the revelations of the transcendent experiences are allowed to trickle down and permeate into the body, the parts of you that are in time and space, you are no longer seeing through the same old eyes of narrow perspective.

You are looking with new eyes and God is everywhere.

The world you were trying to escape from is You, always has been.

You ARE life.

It’s with the new eyes, the ones that WANT to see everything it created, the ones that have ONLY love and compassion behind them, that you finally see the truth.

This is an ongoing daily practice of noticing what’s Real and what’s not.

The more consistent I am and the more I actively allow patterns to rewrite themselves the more I feel the realness of it all, of what I am becoming.

The more I feel the tangibility of being the new energy creator.

THE DAZZLING DARKNESS

“We must be willing to suspend the compulsive drive of the ego for quick and convenient answers to our deepest questions and be willing to live in the creative tension between the known and the unknown. This creative tension, when deeply relaxed into, reveals itself to be the source energy of insight and revelation. 
As counter­intuitive as it sounds, we come to greater insight by a willingness to not know—the greatest light is always found in the darkest region of our silent confusion. 
To sink all the way down into the unknown within you is the way to awaken the greatest leaps of insight and clarity.”

— Adyashanti

There is a deep deep well of creational intelligence accessed beneath your willingness to look beyond what you think you know to be true. 

It’s accessed when you drop your sword and open to it, when you allow it to make a crack in the facade you’ve been living behind. When that crack forms something gets in that feels like an insatiably curious passion to see everything that’s been operating in the programmed state.

When you’re willing to look directly at it, at the gaping darkness you’ve been running from, you’ll find that it’s looking directly back at you, it always has been. 

It comes alive when you back away from your limited mind. A task that brings fear and confusion because it is, has been, the main tool to get us through life. And now we are doing life in a new way. This way doesn't exclude the mind yet it’s not at the wheel any longer in the same way. 

We tap into a new way of living. It requires the willingness to turn your insides into jelly, to hollow out and open to what is already here but that you haven't been able to access simply because of the way you’ve been going at it.

Honesty with yourself and constant humility and willingness to let mental conclusions or mental absolutes crumble away is required. There is a diligence to this because so much behavior and belief occurs on autopilot. 

Embodiment after realization is letting God see everything. You realize you are God and then in order to reorient around that new “identity” you must let God in to see everything you created when you forgot you were That. Everything. You are now God doing it for God.

The eyes looking are the eyes of love and compassion. It’s a love that holds no dualistic attributes. There is no judgement, there is no comfort either. Its just a looking at what is. 

It can feel cold from the human perspective and terrifying. It’ll feel like your insides are just all out there on the table under the spotlight. And after awhile it’ll be understood to be the greatest gift you have given yourself. It’s an incredible GIFT. 

You begin to understand that there’s nothing to fear. There’s nothing to hide from. The one looking is you, the real you. 

The redemptive love that wants to see is burning away any and all vestiges of shame, guilt, right/wrong. It’s showing you over time that you are forgiven for everything and ultimately that there was nothing to forgive. 

There was never anything to forgive because this reality that you took as real is not. And all it ever was was God playing, God experiencing itself. It’s all God and always has been.

This is the true freedom that we all seek. It’s not a freedom from anything. Its an all inclusive knowing that there is nothing you are not. There is nothing that is outside of you. That the human moving through time and space is the illusion. 

It’s a circular journey. You thought you left oneness and became a separate being only to realize you never did. This has been it all along.

It’s absolutely extraordinary and completely ordinary.

This is when new life begins, again. Always spiraling into more and more. A never ending adventure into more of you. 

There is always more to discover at that edge of the known and the unknown. This is dark diving.