It’s funny to think about how much human nature avoids change. We want things to stay the same because it’s comfortable.

And when we get so stuck that it feels like a prison we want out. We built up such a fortress anything but that fortress feels scary and exposed. 

The game around all of this is quite something. It feels so damn real.

At some point when/if you’ve reversed out of enough of these scenarios you get a feel for the dynamic.

I have to say it’s very interesting putting words to things when the subject object collapses.

In one way there is much more clarity and in another way it becomes harder to explain.

When the script flips and you know yourself as awareness it’s interesting to then go back to understanding how change felt scary before because impermanence is the very sensation of bliss.

It’s the very thing we all want actually. To let everything go, to feel the unburdening of such things, you can imagine this now as you read (or listen) to this.

To cleanse yourself of all of it, it’s one of the greatest sensations there is.

We do it every now and then, especially when we get to a breaking point and can’t take it anymore and we just drift in the bliss of that feeling until the next time we can’t take it anymore.

We don't stay in that flow of surrender, even though it’s absolute bliss.

We go in and then slowly move away and out of it.

For me, I thought I needed to do it. I needed to do something to get that flow back. I needed to earn my way in there. I needed to make myself better,  worthy. And then I would find that I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t sustain it. And there is the judgement, the guilt and the shame. It was confusing and a big pile of yuck.

Yesterday, in meditation, I found myself back in my room in my old house when I was 8. I laid there under the covers in the dark. But there was a distinct difference between what the experience was like then and now.

I used to be terrified of the dark and would feel what felt like a demon watching me.

But this time I felt this version of me say, “Im not who I think I am and that is not what I think it is.”

She got up and walked over to the being in the room. 

She didn’t feel fear. All the stories were gone. All the guilt and shame and distortions of light were gone. 

This being wasn't dark, she couldn’t look directly at them because they were so blindingly bright. Consciousness was shining right through them and it was hard to look directly at the truth when there are parts that are still playing in lies.

This time though, she was ready.

She could feel herself as the awareness. She could see the perspective of who she thought she was for what it was, just one “p” in the sea of infinity.

She walked up to herself, and that part kneeled down to her. They touched foreheads in full recognition. The 8 year old version could see Theos shining through the dark and she stepped into it.

I felt that whole timeline change in that moment.

Everything changed.

It was as if she had been there the whole time waiting for my return.

As if at that moment in 1988 a part chose to turn away from the light to go into duality and experience this modern era only to remember who she really is leaving that imprint in 2021 to begin the return back to that 8 year old Magi through the help of So See Hoon she returned to Grace. 

There was a circling back to innocence.

Your awareness knows that this is how it works. 

There was never anything to forgive, you weren’t seeing clearly, now you are. 

This is what grace feels like and its always available, it’s just up to us to step into it while everything we were holding onto before drops to the ground. 

It can’t come in. Its left at the door. 

Your identity suit must stay over there and you can live from here at all times. 

That’s the price.

The recognition of Truth sets you free. 

This is what our friend Yeshua was trying to tell us. All is forgiven, right now. Come over here and see and feel the difference between energy and consciousness so they can come together.

It is the way to liberation.