How to Be a New Energy Creator

Time, Spiritual Ego and Suffering

Part 2 of a 3 Part Series

So in the last post I talked about awakening and I wanted to address what I referred to as the crashing down period and what I’ve come to realize that was all about.

So I found myself back in the reality that the limited mind created.

Relative reality began to reconstruct itself around the belief systems that I had not yet seen in the subconscious. The mind just recreates what it knows to be true because I do not yet know how to align it with consciousness.

If you don’t find your own way in you are vulnerable to all the beliefs lurking in your own darkness.

So not only am I back in conceptual time but because I have no mastery over relative reality I don't realize that a new center is starting to build itself around the mystical experience.

The ego claims it as its own, as its new normal and time and space starts responding to it.

Ego starts gathering ideas, thoughts, beliefs, perspectives, and memories. These things all create a gravity and a real feeling reality begins forming.

A reality where this new spiritual identity is born and is moving through its journey to get back to heaven.

It is using the only thing it knows how to use to “get there”.

It’s using conceptual time to give itself an existence.

This kind of time is the number one issue because when you buy into it you are blindly perpetuating the only structure that identity can thrive in.

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So the way that I am personally able to really see this for the truth is by backing away from the need to understand with the linear mind because the linear mind flips Reality around. Bare with me here.

By letting go of trying to understand by using the linear way of thinking, I am able to lift the gravity enough of this relative reality and see whats going on.

I am able to loosen everything up so that the mind can begin to resonate and align with consciousness. Consciousness does not require time. This is a key to the creation of New Energy.

New Energy does not require time to be created.

It is created beyond time. It is created immediately through seeing whatever comes your way to be seen.

Im talking about internal seeing.

When there is a wound that resurfaces you see it, when there is a pattern you notice it, a story is looked at right as it comes to you.

There is no identity who adds time in between the beginning of a story and a resolution. It’s all just seeing in the now moment. Immediate.

You become a self-generating living energetic machine of new energy this way. Time has no place in it.

Identity is given no chance to resurrect itself and add on to what is.

Because the only way identity is given life is by making conceptual time real. Seeing through conceptual time into the truth ends identity.

A few years ago I had a lucid dream.

It was like a sequence of experiences moving through my awareness. I was roller skating, playing chess, dancing, etc.

I was totally aware and lucid that it was a dream. It was fascinating!

Then something changed. As time went on I began to get entangled in the experiences.

So for example I had put my jacket down and I was worried it would get dirty. Then I found myself at a wedding and there was a fight and I had opinions on who was right and I was getting worked up and got caught up in the drama.

I started to realize that I was losing my lucidity.

I got sucked in.

As the dream went on instead of the experiences just moving through, something seemingly solid had formed that began to create meaning in experience. And the formation of this seemingly solid center made it seem like I was a separate self and that this separate self was moving through time and space.

Ultimately I totally forgot I was dreaming.

💤😴💤

It took me years of backing away from the mind to understand what this dream was showing me.

So in order for fixed identities to form they need the concept of time as the backdrop.

Adding time as the backdrop allows for experiences to accumulate over time, which lead to memories, thoughts, opinions, beliefs, perspectives, etc.

When you build up enough of these elements they make you feel like a solid person. You develop a persona who is a women born and raised in New York who went to catholic school and was bit by a dog at 2 and so is scared of dogs at 30 and loves poetry and doesn't like X,Y and Z.

It makes you think you are a person moving through a big world and all action comes from the belief in that separation. So life becomes all about this personality that you think you are.

This inherently flawed foundation of separation breeds everything we see in the world of ego.

It’s a world where energy is finite and so the rich get richer and the poor get poorer and we are struggling for resources. Some have the power and most don't.

We look to the world to give us what we need.

We are scared and anxious and feel very alone because we don’t know whats real and whats not.

What I’m walking us through is the inception of suffering.

We become dependent on time and space to give us energy.

We have to get an education which takes time, to get a degree, to get a job which takes time.

Everything requires time when you think you are a person moving through time.

So when we sense that there’s more then what we’ve known to be true and we start seeking more truth we use time as we’ve always used it.

We think we need it to know who we really are. We think we need time to understand spiritual pointers. That we need it to make internal changes. That time will heal wounds from the past or we think that that repeating story will lessen with time.

None of that is true. It’s just the fixed ego keeping itself alive.

It puts off real action.

You can feel the difference very clearly between acting from wholeness which always unifies and acting from separation which keeps you stuck in finite reality because it does not resolve anything.

Nothing goes new, energy just keeps circling in time.

Real action is immediate, it’s whole, it comes from a place before time.

What awakening shows us is that time has nothing to do with it.

And what’s actually true, what’s always been true is that you are the backdrop.

You are the constant.

The mind makes us think that we are moving through time when in fact it’s the other way around.

Time moves through you. It serves you in whatever capacity you understand yourself to be.

The mind isn’t in charge of creating reality, it serves you too. It cant create in any real sense, it can only manifest with finite energy because that is the domain it lives in.

The only thing that veiled this truth is the ego minds addition of time.

That’s it.

We needed it when we wanted to gain experience to be able to stay in a body. We don't need it anymore. And we have to back away from it in order to see what it’s been doing, in order to see it clearly.

We can back away from this belief structure, we take steps without using our feet by making internal motions without movement. We can make real actions that create passageways out of the ego mind into your wholeness.

And flip it all back around to the way Reality really is.

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I back away again and again from the one thing that keeps my identity in a fixed position.

The inner investigations aren't needed to “get me there” they are needed to finally see the truth in my own falsity. My own error in thinking about how time works gets shattered.

Living energy, New energy, is the constant as life steams through you and whatever arises you are there in that Now to observe and act, observing and acting. The observing IS the acting and vice versa.

This creates new energy.

If you stop running, freedom is right there. Immediately there. It’s not in time.

Conceptual time is the death of living energy. It inverts the truth and makes you think that you need it when in fact time is just a construct, it is a creation that came later.

End conceptual time, end the only thing that the fixed identity can thrive in and end the suffering.

🔥❤️‍🔥🔥

When I had that mystical experience beyond the mind, beyond time, there is a realization at some point that the ego structures don't exist there. So as I make my way back and learn to abide in that potential, I realize what those structures are because I’ve created enough space by pausing and looking. And I see that the identity requires them to exist.

I do not.

In fact I can live from beyond those tools and still be here.

I can keep the body which still requires biological time and not waste the years it has on this planet living in the conceptual time of the mind. It’s a total waste.

We can use the years we have here on our passion, on true creation, on being living energy instead of energy that lives in the past or the future which don't exist.

Can you imagine what kind of potentials we are opening up for the biology when the conceptual mind isn’t the one in charge?

So spiraling back to the beginning, not only had I found myself back in relative reality which was a hot mess because I have ego mind running the show, I also now have a new identity forming who is a special kind of jerk.

The spiritual ego. Yikes! Scary!

Spiritual ego can kick in big time after you have a mystical experience because the ego thinks it’s now been upgraded.

A new identity begins to form and it can form because I was not yet able to understand how identity comes to life.

So it slowly begins to create a new center. It begins to create thoughts about its goodness, it’s enlightenment, it’s new and better status. It creates beliefs about what it has become.

It feels like a battle is going on inside me.

The less time I spend in wanting to make a transcendent experience be my permanent state the better off I am.

The more time I spend in that wanting state the stronger that spiritual ego gets. It’s a painful and confusing place to be.

The spiritual ego isn’t much different then any fixed ego, they all build themselves in the same way using the same tools.

It’s just something to pay attention to because the spiritual ego is particularly sticky. Especially if too much time is spent there or if the awakening was very powerful.

Here are some qualities of the spiritual ego that I have experienced =

Spiritual ego (SE) thinks the human needs to be better to live up to some made up standard. It is a harsh judge of the human. It thinks the human needs to act “spiritual”. It makes up what is appropriate and then scolds itself for not reaching those standards.

There can be a Hero/Messiah complex, even at subtle levels- Feeling better than / superior / like a savior / above.

SE bypasses what is because it says "I should" be feeling only good things like gratitude / joy / love etc. So it will start shifting perspectives into “love and light” feeling states instead of looking at what is in order for it to remain in its position.

SE can only live in concept, it can’t live in actual experience/sensation which is immediately felt in the body without thought or story. So ego wants/needs information to think about and analyze and compare itself to and judge whether it has leveled up in its understanding. So it can praise itself or berate itself or others. When we just let everything be what it is without adding thought or story, ego starts to wither away.

SE will add beliefs rather than tear beliefs down. So it will add more onto who it thinks it is, it will inflate itself with story in some way. Instead of reversing away from story so that it can all just crumble away it will add a few more rooms to the house or renovate the basement bathroom to keep itself going.

And last but not least it will deny its own existence! It will say, “I don't have a spiritual ego! Maybe he does but I don't!”

So keep your inner eyes and ears open for any tactics that are keeping you tied up in mental time so that you can step off that old way into the New. We step back away from linear, horizontal, sequential movement into the vertical now through inner motions.

These motions create New Energy and maybe even a New Earth reality born from the love of bringing energy and consciousness together in the now moment.

A New Earth where love is all there is.

I’ll talk more about the role of space and detachment in bringing energy and consciousness together as well as what this all feels and looks like in more detail.

If you have specific questions on what Ive shared you can put them in the comments or email me.

Thank you for being a part of this series, I really appreciate you!

Stay tuned 🎶 Be well. Until next time.

How to Be a New Energy Creator

Part 1 of a 3 Part Series

I’m going to talk about my realization story a bit to start this 3 part series off. This series is called How to Be a New Energy Creator.

I’m sharing my story because this is my way in. It may not and most likely will not look the same for you but I think it’s helpful to hear each other’s stories.

These aren’t stories that are told out in the open a lot because they are very personal and not something we necessarily want to attach words to. Words are limiting by nature but they can also be doorways into so much more if we learn to follow them in that way.

The consciousness behind the words is still there in its fullness and it’s not up to me how it’s received. I can only convey it the best that I can.

So I think that sharing our personal truths and the way we navigate ourselves is important right now. It’s loud out there and I have found that the art of inner investigations is a salve, a balm like no other. It is what cuts through the noise of this world while allowing us to be fully in it.

We each find our own way into more truth, more love.

This is my story.

So here we go….

A huge part of what I remember about the theme of this lifetime is that I was always running away. My body wanted to run. It wanted to run literally and it wanted to run from the consciousness that followed me around. I felt like I lived in terror of what the mind imagined were demons.

I did many things to avoid the inevitable, its makes for some good stories that I’ll tell at some at another time.

But ultimately I realized that I had to stop running. I put down what was distracting me and I just knew it was time to face my deepest fear. I had no idea, mentally, what was going on. I just knew it was time.

I left my home in the countryside of Pennsylvania that I share with my husband and I went to our row home in Philly. I had to be alone.

I felt like I was facing demon after demon. Then I remember sitting on my bar stool in the kitchen with my face pressed against the kitchen island counter, tears streaming, when I woke up. Or better said, consciousness woke up to itself through me.

The words, “I Am God, also. I am Compassion” reverberated through my entire being and I knew it was more True then anything I had ever known. I walked into the mind of light without taking a single human step. It was like everything I knew to be true before that moment disappeared, just gone and boom there was just this indescribable bliss.

There was also a clarity of mind like I’d never known. It was like every neural network that was tied up in complicated knots just found complete and total freedom. My brain lit up. I bet you if I was attached to a brain monitor it would have been a total light show.

This is what I had been running from.

I went back and read spiritual texts and I could understand what was being pointed to for the very first time. It was intoxicating and I thought that it was my new normal.

Until it all came crashing down. I found myself back in everything i was in before this experience. That’s when i realized that I was in hell and didn't even know it. I think you can imagine what that felt like after having had the most transcendent experience of my life.

A deep deep confusion set it.

I felt like I wanted to die honestly because the alternative seemed unbearable. But/and there was something else here now too.

Something had fundamentally changed. It was as if touching Reality had allowed for consciousness to really start getting to work.

Consciousness woke up in hell and brought with it the tools to find its way out again and again. Those “tools” being Will with a capital W and Creative Intelligence. Creative Intelligence knows where to go and Will says, “We’re going.” This is all occurring in a motion without movement.

It is the end of an imagined identity ruling over life in a fixed way and the beginning of an entire turn around towards your true nature. Everything begins to turn around and go this way (inside).

It’s how we start to make everything New, which requires a consciousness that we weren’t aware of before. Because if everything were up to the fixed identity nothing would change.

So something new comes into the equation when you wake up that initiates and propels change to occur at the subatomic level.

Cells are limited and communicate in fixed ways in the body. When we open to more of our consciousness we can sense the intelligence beyond the isolated cell into the bigger picture.

We make quantum level shifts, these are occurring at the atomic and subatomic levels.

Communication between the cells changes and so whatever identity programs were running in your DNA codes creating loops in your neural networks can no longer operate unchecked as they were. We are now able to access a dimension we could not before.

The body no longer belongs to who you thought you were, your consciousness is here now so we are tasked with making that switch into a New Human and learning what that looks like.

I was shown that I already have this New Energy body as a potential and now I need to build it. And that part I had no instructions for. I had no directions. I had no idea what was going on or what to do.

I’m in the dark.

I can feel that whatever was running the show before is no longer in charge (free will). A new Will came in. I have to figure out how to work with this Will because at first it feels like it’s telling me to do things I don’t want to do. I come to realize that this isn’t it, that this is my real Will and the part that resists is the old fixed identity.

This new Will said, without words, “We are going to bring that dimension of consciousness here and so we need to make the space for it.”

I’m starting to realize that I am consciousness in an energetic form and I am consciousness without form.

And this new Will thats now here is showing me what actions need to be taken to get where we’re going. These actions are inner motions that create New Energy.

So I’m learning a new language. I have to start investigating what’s going on within.

And I realize I have to learn the difference between energy and consciousness so that I can better understand how they come together in order to make this energetic form into something New again and again.

The ego thinks it is in charge of everything and so we have to work with those parts who are attached to outcomes, who want to control life, who hold on to old wounds as their identity, the parts who live in stories.

I get a crash course in what surrender feels like as the ego goes from a noun to a verb. It goes from fixed to malleable, changeable.

I’m learning the nuances of how the New Energy body communicates and my mind begins to understand whats going on as I pay attention and observe how it all works.

So we start to learn to understand without thinking about things in the old way.

Thinking doesn’t come first, it comes later.

Understanding comes from a thoughtless place. It comes from insight, from an aha or a realization which isn’t mental.

We go beyond the mind in order to then understand with the mind. We use the tool in a new way. We are accessing more of whats between our cells because as we get the hang of investigating within we develop the ability to not blindly follow thought in the same way.

We can now stop, step back and begin observing.

You know when someone says something, a sentence or a few words and you can feel something behind it. It can make you pause for a second or want to close your eyes because you are engulfed in a sensation.

You have entered into the consciousness behind or between the words. No thoughts, just silent being.

You’ve gone beyond time and space and everything opens up.

It’s from here that we gain insights and realizations. They spring forth from a place before thought. You can then express through your own original thoughts from here. Expression can come verbally or through a stream of written words, or just silently through your body.

The point is these expressions are coming from your unique self which is undivided and whole, this is how thought changes. We see how old identity thoughts feel because we have been observing them and now we see how original thought feels. They have a very different quality.

We are getting the hang of understanding the difference between the way the surface mind works and how we can sink deeper for more Real expression.

An intimacy is developing and growing.

When we feel fear and we get that feeling to run, we don’t run. Instead we look at it and we see it for what it is. It is coming from an energetic pattern and my job isn’t to believe the pattern as truth but to be aware of it as it rises up so that I can sink below it into the consciousness behind it and low and behold I realize that its all coming from the same place.

The scary thing I ran from is who I really am. I’m not actually scared, that was just a program triggering my nervous system. There is no one there who’s scared there is just fear. Fear is just fear.

I have to stop running to experience this. And then I have to investigate my inner world to have the lasting abiding awareness in consciousness.

You are empty of a fixed identity and you are full of consciousness.

There is one source and many parts and pieces that rise up from it.

When we don't attach anything to those parts and pieces they can rise and fall, rise and fall.

We can act from wholeness regardless of the energetic pattern in the way because I know I Am That.

I am the wholeness that is always there unchanging and immortal and my awareness abides in That.

I am the creator and the creation, I am in command of the energy which is also consciousness from the totality of my being.

I am God, also. Divinity and Humanity. Consciousness and Energy. One and the same.

New Energy.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of ‘How to Be a New Energy Creator’ which will come directly into your inbox if you are a newsletter subscriber.

Part 2 will cover the spiritual ego and suffering.

Thank you so much for listening and diving into your own dark matter to gain your subjective view on who you really are.

Until next time, take care.

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How to Be a New Energy Creator; Part 2

How to Be a New Energy Creator

How to Be a New Energy Creator; Part 1

How to Be a New Energy Creator