There is an alternative farming approach in the agricultural world started by Rudolph Steiner called biodynamic agriculture. It is a holistic system that acknowledges how all parts of the farm (including plants, animals, humans, and cosmic forces like the stars, sun and moon) are connected and each has its role to play to maintain a thriving ecosystem.

I continually find myself getting sweetly pulled back into reading about these kinds of systems that mimic the way nature has always acted and thrived.

“There is something in there to feel more deeply into”, is the whisper that I feel permeate my body.

It is such a great dynamic to look to when feeling into the mechanism of a Self sustaining, autonomous sovereign system.

I grew up feeling very separate from the world around me, like most of did. Even though I spent most weekends in the deep woods of Vermont, the innocence of those integrated experiences faded with time.

The experience of separation took over and I began to feel more and more like there was a definite boundary between my body and the world around me.

I manifested an inner world that I lived in most of the time to retreat to as the outside world began to feel more and more harsh. I would manifest spaces that made me feel safe like a tent on my bed, the cubby under the stairs and my obsession with making forts with couch cushions and sheets.

They provided a sense of relief that I could not find anywhere else.

I went deep into this dynamic and I now know I did this so that I could create passageways out. This still brings me to tears and feels so raw. There is nothing in my opinion more violent than separation.

It was like I dove into an extreme form of isolation into now the unfolding of the complete dissolution of boundaries. 

Scary? Yes. Uncomfortable? Oh yeah. Necessary? Mmm Hmm

Here is the thing though, I know that I manifested all of it. The whole experience was a play written by and staring me. I know this because I’ve gotten myself out of it to a point where I can see clearly.

I’m sharing this because it feels important, because the lines between my inner and outer worlds are perforated and because I feel it is what is being asked of me by a grander part of myself.

“Share your stories, they are valuable.” Another whisper from the part that knows better and so I listen and share and another boundary thins and dissolves.

The true nature of our humanity is not in isolation, it is not me and them, inside and outside. 

Our true nature is a boundary-less multi-faceted Self sustained sovereign one. The intelligence behind the scenes is unfathomable and can’t be pinned down.

And my reality reflects the new me that’s here now because I choose to take these steps out into seemingly scary experiences that the old self manifested. 

In order for the outer world experience to change we have to meet our grander parts at least 49% of the way.

We have to step forward beyond old manifestations so that true creation can unfold. When I feel a part that wants to hide I see it and I continue to step forward anyway because there is so much more than taking the same old path that keeps everything small and contained.

The more active I am in turning myself inside out the more of my Spirit gets to be here.

So I keep my eye on the bigger picture and I choose to feel into how all of this works. I feel into what the humans part is and what the grander design is so that it can all come together in tangible experience.

This keeps me on track, doing what’s needed informed by the organic reality which is where true creation can come forward and express.

You are seeing what this all looks like for me, this blog is a constant inside out experience of exposure that makes this human squirm in her skin.

And I feel it’s really just time.